Wednesday, November 28, 2012

green is the new vandross

no, i haven't put my christmas tree up yet (i REALLY want to, but we have to find a place for it now that we have a real-people dining room table. plus, i'm not doing that biznass solo).

no, i haven't put ANY other christmas decorations up yet either (minus the lights in the front yard...which apparently, according to the hubs, is "just the beginning"...lord help us).

no, i haven't even put the tiniest little dent in my monumental shopping list (but i have bought myself several pretties in the last week).

YES, i do in fact have a new favorite christmas CD (yep, i'm a total christmas music shame in this game folks).

this shit is magical.

it's like luther vandross' funky-cool cousin made a bomb-ass holiday track.  with the best album art ever.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

how do YOU know it's finally the holiday season??

forget the stores putting up Christmas decorations in october.

forget the infamous starbucks red cups.

forget the slew of black friday ads and toy commercials and sappy tv spots.

forget the slightly angry santas that show up at malls across america.

in my 'hood, i KNOW the holidays are right around the corner when this arrives.

oh yes friends, 'tis the season...for the UPS cart.

poor guy only delivers in november to the new year. coldest months of the year, and he doesn't even get a real truck. just a golf cart and a funny little trailer to deliver whatever it is we buy on the internet.

he's basically my favorite thing ever.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

i mean, i'd totally vote for doritos.

one week ago, the masses of america busted their asses to the voting booth and made pot and dudes getting hitched and buying booze on sundays all legal (in various places...although, all together that would be one HELL of a party). plus you know...picked a president and all.

but more importantly, my home-away-from-home for 4 years, the classic city of Athens, Georgia proved why it is and will forever be one of my favorite places on the planet.

see this dude? apparently, HE IS FULL OF THE CRAZY.

as in...doesn't really think a little thing called "science" should be believed. cuz you's mostly wrong a lot of the time.


anyways, this crazy cat was running unopposed for his spot in our state house. and not only did FOUR THOUSAND people write in Charles Darwin instead of voting for him (bravo all of you, i appreciate that kind of commitment)....but apparently...a lot of folks wrote in candidates that are even more awesome than the father of evolution.

for example:

one Kenneth Ellen Parcell, of 30 Rock fame.

Albus Dumbledore, of Harry Potter fame.

Optimus Prime, of Transformers fame

even a bag of rocks, back yard fame?
you can check out the entire list of write-in candidates for yourself's basically my new favorite thing.

cuz i'm pretty sure Doritos believe in science.

and cool ranch.

which are both good in my book.

but i have heard that Jimmy Jack, my neighbor's cat has some pretty serious ideas on balancing the budget.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

a historic day...for my fridge.

yesterday, i had the great privilege to head to the polls (just like my great-great-great something Susan B. Anthony...holla for women's suffrage!!) and do my civic duty.

yes, i'm talking about voting.

but this ain't about the President y'all.

this is about something MUCH more important.

namely, that FINALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY in my little corner of the peach state, i will soon be able to join my brothers and sisters in booze and BUY ALCOHOL ON SUNDAY!!!!

oh yes...i currently live in a state with blue laws. a state that JUST, as in within the last 12 months, started repealing some of those laws and letting cities and counties vote on whether they want to sell alcohol on Sundays.

cuz you's 2012. and i'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't care if i get my pinot grigio on for the sabbath. i mean...he DID turn water into wine here people.

do you have ANY idea how annoying it is to have an impromptu get-together and not be able to grab some wine for it? or not be able to get beer for a football game on sunday??

legit...i might have been just as excited to vote for booze as i was to vote for the prez.

maybe a little more =)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

sometimes, you just gotta cheap it up

i've got no shame in admitting that sometimes, i'm a total cheapskate.

not ALL the time, i'm not one of those freaks peeing in a jar and getting my food out of the dumpster...BUT i do like saving money.

or in this case, not spending much on new pretties.
$5 for the top pair of charms, and $2 for the a few minutes of tinkering around with my jewelry finding stash, and i've got 2 new pairs of earrings that will be AWESOME all season long!

and yes...i'm purposely avoiding ALL political talk today. because i know that your mind is probably made up the same way mine is. but for goodness sakes, GO VOTE!!

Friday, November 2, 2012

a lot of prayers, a little pink

i've got exactly TWO first cousins.

one guy. one girl.

and thursday morning, the girl, who's actually a woman who'll turn 50 in a few years took the first major step on her road to kicking breast cancer's ugly ass.

her surgery went really well, apparently the cancer hadn't spread at now it's all about healing, and changing the word patient to the word SURVIVOR.

 so for her, i'm praying.  i'd appreciate you saying a prayer for her too..or sending a good thought into the universe, or just thinking positive thoughts for her.
i also totally rocked this pink streak yesterday in her honor.

kind of makes me want to get a real one!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

the (de)evolution of an owl-o-lantern

just in case you were wondering what happens when you decide you carve pumpkins 10 days before halloween....

now you know.


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

i'm totally the martha stewart of pinterest i'm probably not the martha stewart of pinterest, because that would sort of imply that i originate the ideas...and that's not really true. BUT i'm for sure not the sandra lee of pinterest...cuz i don't make nasty-ass cocktails and cover shit in edible pearls.

somewhere in the middle...there's me. the internet-trained culinary wizard. perhaps the hermione granger of pinterest??

it's blustery and pretty dang cold here in my little corner of the southeast (VERY thankful it's only wind, and hoping everyone in the northeast stays safe!) last night, i KNEW it was soup time.

and thanks to pinterest, i was able to bust out this cheesy veggie chowder and IT. WAS. AWESOME.

it did take a hot minute to do all the chopping, BUT it was basically chop-drop-simmer-eat. and that's for sure my kind of cooking!

next time i'll probably actually grate my own cheese, and maybe add a little salt and pepper while the veggies cook (aaaaaaand maybe some bacon, but i'm southern. we'll put bacon in anything).  but considering it's only 2/3 of a cup of milk and LOTS of veggies...i felt pretty good about this recipe!

PLUS, i've got at least half the pot left, and since the hubs is a total weirdo and "doesn't like leftovers", i'm gonna nom the heck out of this ish ALL WEEK LONG. yummmmm!!

if you've got a favorite soup recipe, share it! cuz my bowls get a LOT of abuse when the temps start dropping.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

stick around, for lots of balls.

 so 3 years ago, about this time...i was on a plane, flying back to the good old US of A after my honeymoon (which, for the record, was amazing...but getting off an island on the other side of the globe was a BIT more work than i bargained for).

and yes...this means i totally forgot to blog for my ACTUAL anniversary. sue me.

and yes, this is the one and ONLY photo that features me and the hubs from our honeymoon. that lady in the middle is "mama". she has a restaurant in santorini. she called a guy a sex bomb. she rules.

ANYHOO, the whole point of this post is that i realize...i'm pretty sure our honeymoon phase is over. and has been for a REALLY long time.

now, before you go off and start calling dr. phil or dr. drew or dr. ruth to run some kind of marriage intervention on me...hear me out.

i'm GLAD that phase is over. because while it's awesome to be all lovey-dovey and smoochie-woochie and "omg you're my heart and my love and my life" bella swann on steroids...IT. GETS. OLD.

because life isn't like that. you're not ALWAYS gonna be like that. sometimes, you're gonna wanna punch your other half right in the balls. and sometimes, he's probably gonna wanna punch you in the lady balls.


it doesn't mean you don't love each other. it means you're both human. and sometimes...ball-punching thoughts happen. but at the end of the day, can you look at whoever you're with and say to yourself "if someone IS gonna punch me...i'm glad it's you"?

if're one of the lucky ones.

"You took the time to memorize me my feels my hopes and dreams
I just like hanging out with you all the time
All those times that you didn't leave it's been occurring to me 

i'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

Stay and i'll be loving you for quite some time

No one else is gonna love me when I get mad mad mad
So I think that it's best if we both stay stay stay stay" - Stay Stay Stay, Taylor Swift

i love my husband. but i also REALLY like him.

i hope you've got someone you like hanging out with too =)

Monday, October 22, 2012

how many chains is too many chains?

i'll be the first to tell you, i LOVE jewelry.

love it. hoard it. make it. wear it all the time. basically feel naked without it.

so, shoplately is pretty much my favorite thing. i've written about them before, but basically it's a site with a bazillion and one pieces of gorgeousness, AND they have stuff that's on sale even more every day.
shoplately order

shoplately order by hfdukes on Polyvore

all of this stuff? cost me a whopping $21. because right now they've got  a promo going on....spend $30, and get $10 off with the code SLBDAY. it's good through thursday, so go get your shop on! that chunky gold chain is only $7.50, and i'm pretty sure i'm gonna wear it with everything once it gets a really fancy, girly mr. T. 

 this bracelet is from a previous order from shoplatey, and i'm pretty much obsessed with it. 

PLUS, if you sign up for shoplately, i'll get a little cash to spend there, and then you can get all your frtiends to do the same, and then we can all go on a giant 4 hour episode of intervention where we end up swimming through a room of necklaces and bracelets like scrooge mcduck while my bro jeff van vonderen just shakes his head at us.  

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

no mo' burning up the highways

see this handsome fellow with one giant ball?
starting in 2 weeks...this dude isn't gonna be around the house a few days a week for me to harass. no more working from the upstairs office. no more 9 rounds of golf when he gets off phone calls at 4ish.

BUT he also won't have to get up at 4:45am on the days he doesn't work from home. he won't have to spend FOUR HOURS a day in the car driving 200+ miles to and from work. he won't have to go to bed at 9:30pm anymore.

HUBS GOT HIMSELF A NEW JOB Y'ALL!! and it's local, which means his commute will now be about 12 minutes...versus 120. i'm so so proud of him...AND a little bit excited about the extra income boost for a few months, which means we can pay for some projects around the house and cough::saveforababybeforeallmyeggsshrivelupanddie::cough.

we MIGHT be planning a "hooray nate has a new job" party in the works, complete with burning of his old business cards in our fire pit. cuz you know...that's how we roll.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

even working from home needs a uniform right?

so,i might have forgotten to mention on monday that amidst all my life-learnin'...i also learned i am NOT meant to be a salesperson that does cold calls.

so i quit.

and for once in my life, i didn't overanalyze or try and make it work so i wouldn't let anyone down...i just decided it wasn't right for me, and stuck with that.

kinda proud of myself, actually.

and so, imagine my glee last week (after my quitting) when i realized that maybe, just maybe instead of getting all dolled up on cute pants and cardigans for work...i could have a different kind of uniform.

the kind that's perfect for someone trying to keep her head above her yarn hoard.

the kind that's perfect for someone who is doing what she really loves right now...being creative, and actually creating things.

with owls on them obviously....the sock monkey ones would just be ludicrous.

p.s. have you checked out the new goods at The Glittered Owl? you totally should...i've been getting my fancy hook on ;)

Monday, September 24, 2012

life lessons, or where i've been for 2 weeks

yes, i totally suck, and i've been gone for weeks.

BUT i've learned many things in that time span....things like:

1. if you start a crochet might forget to blog. because you're too busy crocheting.
that's about half of what i've finished since i've been gone. is it bad to want to keep all your wares?

2. you might start worrying that Matt Paxton is gonna have to dig you out of your yarn stash, Hoarders-style. and you might be totally okay with that, because you've already made your husband promise that if you ever become a hoarder...the Pax will be the one to show you the light.

3. you might also have to spend some time learning how to use the fancy-ass new camera your husband scored for a song on ebay, to "help" with said crochet biz. you'll probably also realize that the hubs is a LITTLE bit selfish, and just wanted an excuse for a new toy. you won't care at all....but you'll realize it all the same.

4. you'll start to wonder if IT WILL EVER FREAKING COOL OFF ALREADY!!! because now it's technically fall. and since you've got a sweet gig that pretty much relies on chillier temperatures, because rocking a crochet scarf when it's 85 degrees outside will get you some major side-eyes.

5. you MIGHT start to evaluate your closet...because you MIGHT realize you've got a serious colored pants addiction. BUT you'll be really excited that old navy FINALLY wised up, and while they continually spout their lies about their rockstar jeans being flattering on everyone (yeahhh...if by "flattering", they mean "you'll have to wear at least 2 sizes bigger than you normally do, and oh yeah...your legs will look like bratwursts), they FINALLY have an alternative. you can find the non-sausagey, totally awesome and MUCH more flattering sweetheart skinny jeans HERE. 
i might have gotten black and coral. and i might be stalking the store and the site to see if they get more colors. AND they have petites AND talls. it's basically a miracle of miracles.  

6. most importantly, you'll realize you miss your blog peeps!

i'm gonna try and do MUCH better about sticking around, now that i've got a sweet new camera, i can take photos of myself, which means i can totally pretend to be a fashion blogger.

which probably translates into pictures in my yard while my pug tries to eat my pants leg.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

been hooking for months, but finally went legit

you know how sometimes you have an idea, and then you talk yourself out of that idea...but then something spurs you to shut-the-eff-up-doubting-inside-voice, and JUST. DO. IT.

this little guy is the representation of that.

because he's the mascot FOR MY NEW ONLINE SCARF SHOP!

welcome ladies, to The Glittered Owl.

i'm SO excited to finally have a place to actually sell the stuff i make. a place to tell people to go when i get compliments wearing my scarves. a place to show off my friends' mad modeling skillz (and yes, the look-sideways-while-wearing-a-scarf is now a patented TGO move. ask tyra, she knows what's up.)

and right now, the best part of my new little corner of the internet? it's gonna be doing some good.

cuz see, this awesome lady named Kristen has set up an amazing auction to raise money for the american cancer society. and me? seeing as how i have lost WAY too many loved ones to the dreaded C-word...i HAD to help.

basically, you need to go to the auction's facebook page. did you do it? okay good. because that's the place to find out ALL the deets about this amazing fundraiser. it's gonna be epic y'all.

you can also like The Glittered Owl on facebook. if you want. chances are, you'll get to see lots of pictures of me buying yarn, and crocheting things. and probably my pug modeling scarves. cuz that's how i roll.

right now, the shop is mostly solid color scarves, BUT i've got some stuff in the works that's honestly blowing my mind a little(it might rhyme with schmeon, and i might be so pumped about it i could die). so here's hoping you lovely ladies are also into it...otherwise i'm gonna have to figure out how to wear them all at once on my own.

if there's anything you'd love to see in the shop, let me know, i'm up for any and all feedback =)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

the prettiest eyeballs on the block

i'm the type of person who, once i find something that works for me, i HAVE to have it. if i find a basic tee i love...i want them in every color (i'm looking at you old navy vintage v-necks).

i thought it was a mostly clothes how i buy at least 4 or 5 of target's ultrasoft sweaters ever season.

but's also a makeup thing. and over the weekend...i scored a major deal on my hoarding.
i have loved these maybelline color tattoo eyeshadows from the moment i tried one a few months ago. they stay on FOR AGES, you don't need any primer, they're awesome alone or as a base for other shadows...basically, i love them.

so when ulta had them buy 2, get 1 free i was all over it. especially since i had a $1 off maybelline coupon, AND a $3.50 off $10 ulta coupon. meaning all 3 of these new fall limited edition colors came home with me for a whopping $10 and change. 

not as awesome as being paid by CVS to take some new lipsticks home...but not bad at all =)

so far i've only used the darker brown, but i am DYING to go crazy with the olive green. just wait until the weather cools off and i'm not sweating in tank tops and shorts.

do you have any makeup items you can't stop buying??

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

i'm done mourning my boyfriends...

my olympic boyfriends that is. i basically spent 17 days mainlining international athletic events like a two dollar meth whore on intervention...BUT WAY MORE CLASSY Y'ALL.

i would still do terrible things to one ryan lochte though...he may be dumb as a box of rocks...but that is one sexy man.

and then i of course had to spend two days mourning the loss of my beloved olympics, while simultaneously singing "spice world" and the celine dion hit "power of the dream" circa 1996.

in's been a weird two weeks.

but i'm back! aaaand....i'm once again freaking out a little. cuz see....sometimes, i jump into things because i think they sound awesome. and they probably ARE awesome...but i get so freaked out by the unknown that i convince myself that they AREN'T awesome, and oh yeah, that i totally suck at them.

in short...i got a job.

i'm now a regional account executive for a company that's putting on a home & garden show where i live. EXCEPT I'VE NEVER SOLD ANYTHING BUT BARBECUE AND CHICKEN WINGS. so...i'm feeling more than a lot in over my head at the moment.

because when i've never done something...i sort of paralyze myself. because i am insane, and would rather NOT do something, than be terrible at something. childhood overachieving has made me a psychotic person.

it's basically like being a possum...when they get scared, they freeze up. sometimes, it means the predators go away. but means getting flattened by a soccer mom's minivan on a back road in rural georgia. (sheesh, that's a southern-fried anaology if ever i've written one).

basically i'm the possum. except instead of beady eyes and a weird rat tail, i've got a closet full of cardigans and a whole lot of internal anxiety. on the bright side... i've pretty much convinced myself that when one is working from home, and selling booth space to people who make windows and doors and pools and such...then colored jeans are totally acceptable "business" attire. cuz...they're fancier than real jeans. OBVIOUSLY.

i did manage to get some sweet business at least i've got that going for me.

basically...this is an internet cry for help. because if you have ANY tips on this kind of sales (aka getting people to buy space/advertising/etc), i'd love to hear it. before i drive my husband to an early grave from reassuring me that i do not in fact suck at life.

but at least i can take life advice from a pillow at kohls. so there's that.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

white girls can do neon tribal right?

oh pinterest....sometimes you just throw an idea in my face, and i CANNOT ignore its siren song. i HAVE to make whatever it is i've seen. asap.
apparently this is how mara hoffman styled her spring runway show...i'm going for a little less braided hair hair...but the same amount of neck-area awesomeness.
behold...the first of what will inevitably be several wrapped tribal-style necklaces. cuz i've got a crap-ton of this coral and pink cord, plus some green for good measure.

and i might be contemplating getting purple and yellow tomorrow at home depot...because i have a problem. and that problem is craft supply hoarding.

i used this tutorial...but really the only thing i needed to know was where to find the gold findings in the hardware store. for the's the plumbing section.

i'm also REALLY glad i went on a wednesday afternoon when it wasn't super busy, so no one bothered me in the plumbing fixture aisle with "hey, can i help you today?" cuz i don't really know how to explain to the middle-aged man in his home depot vest why i need these little gold tubes and some hot pink cording. plus...boys don't understand jewelry like this.

except the hubs...he dug it.

which means my mom is gonna HATE it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

can you cry over spilled cheese sauce?

it finally happened.

after living together for 5 years, i've been rejected.

nate refused to eat what i made for dinner monday night.
see, doesn't this look delish?? i'd pinned this recipe for avocado mac and cheese awhile ago...avocados, and spicy cheese sauce?? what's not to love?


he took one bite, and looked at me and said "i don't think i can eat this".

this is the dude who ate the biscuits i made with regular flour instead of self-rising, so they were like doughy hockey pucks. it's the guy who ate the boxed meal with the biscuit topping that i made too watery, so i added some pancake mix to the dough to thicken it...and it was a creepy giant flying saucer thing on top of chicken pot pie.

but this? this he wouldn't eat.

and yes...i may have shed a few tears, because in this is MY thing. so when he doesn't want ANY of hurt my feelings.

even though i didn't really like it either.

at least i know i can make a kickass meatloaf to make it up to him =)

anyone else had a spectacular kitchen failure??

Thursday, July 19, 2012

i never could resist a great bag

when you're out shopping with your husband on a random sunday, and you happen to find a bag that was originally $399 marked down to $97....YOU JUMP ON IT.

it was a bag i didn't even know i wanted, until it was staring me in the face and then i HAD to have it.

oh....did i mention said bag contained a full set of ladies left-handed golf clubs??

oh yes....the hubs and i...we're golfers now.

or i guess more accurately...we're people with golf clubs and practice balls who've been to the driving range once (me) and been golfing on a course once (him) and who haven't ended up in the emergency room for any golf-related injuries (yet, fingers crossed).

i'm actually really excited about's pretty fun, the clothes aren't heinous, i can totally be the one obnoxious girl with hot pink balls and tees and such,  PLUS it's something the hubs and i can do together as a hobby. our other hobbies don't really match up because i can't convince him crocheting is cool...and he can't convince me that getting shot with paintballs and running around in the woods is fun.

oh yeah...and you're totally allowed to drink on the golf course. TERVIS OF WINE RIGHT HERE PEOPLE.
my boyfriend ricky fowler totally approves of me golfing. and the color orange.

my goal for today is to find the most obnoxious sleeveless collared shirt i possibly can, cuz i'm gonna make up for in style what i currently lack in actual skills.

Friday, July 13, 2012

my thursday afternoon revelation

so yesterday when i was leaving my library and heading to michaels (and yes...i KNOW how sexy that sounds. clearly i can't help it) i had one of those moments where you go "holy hell universe, how am i JUST NOW realizing this??".

see...i was thinking about how when i was a kid, other than my kickass jem and the holograms cassette tape that came with one of my jem and the hologram dolls, the only music i really listened to at home was the music my PARENTS listened to.

whether it was their radio stations for their current faves, or their albums at home from their high school days, it was THEIR pick.

and i loved it.

it's why i know all the words to dozens and dozens of motown songs. and most of reba mcentire's live CD circa 1980. and the pointer sisters. and carole king (minus that song about the toadstool. that ish was weird).

and i realized as i was in the middle of an epic car dance to this song...i get to do the same thing to MY kids. with my jams, with my high school tunes, with all my favorites (minus a few key additions...cuz toddlers probably shouldn't listen to ludacris right?)

you're welcome future offspring. 

you. are. welcome.

Monday, July 9, 2012

nothing says happy birthday like government offices

i have officially entered the last year of my twenties.


i feel like 29 sounds like a grown-up age...even moreso than 28. and i'm pretty sure i'm for SURE supposed to be a grown-up a year from now.  good thing i've got 365 days to get a lock on that!!

i also started using night cream like a month at least i'm upping my skincare routine from a 15 year old to an 80 year old. yay me. but my nails are currently bright pink with glitter....which may counteract any residual night cream maturity.

today also marks the expiration date on my driver's license....and nothing says early birthday celebration quite like a trip to the dmv on a friday morning.

i'm thankful for several things about my trip....1, that it took less than an hour. 2. that i'm almost positive i managed to escape the whooping cough/typhoid fever/ebola the man behind me in the waiting area was suffering from, as he hacked up A STRAIGHT-UP LUNG about every 8 minutes.

and 3. at least i will now have the photo on the right for the next 8 years...instead of the HEINOUS photo on the left. it ain't great....but it doesn't make me feel like i belong on an episode of "cellblock 6: female lockup". face is NOT actually the size of a small planet, despite what these photos might show. everyone knows the dmv uses crappy equipment =) 

don't worry, there are fun parts to my birthday coming up...but they can't happen until the hubs gets home from work tonight and demand presents and cake until i pass out.

Friday, June 29, 2012

who wants to play a little game i like to call


this was my greeting after running in to ulta for some new eye shadow, and then tj maxx for a new tie for the hubs (it's purple, and sean john, and it's TOTALLY gonna help him rock his interview today. or at least make it a little more diddy_licious).

the piece of gum on the ground i MIGHT be able to overlook. cuz just spit in a hurry and move on with your life.

but ON my car?? oh hell did that ish on purpose. i hope a bird poops on your face this weekend anonymous gum chewer...RIGHT IN YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH. where it belongs.

i hope all of you lovely ladies have a fabulous weekend...i'll be trying to figure out a way to keep my entire body from either liquifying or bursting into flame. cuz the high in my neck of the woods for the next 3 days is 103. just shoot me, or mail me to alaska (but not anywhere near sarah palin's house, she's a whackjob).

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

breaking up is hard to do

no, i'm not breaking up with YOU guys...i could never quit you.

this is about something harder than that...breaking up with a friend.
too bad in real life, it's not actually this easy.

i can't remember if i mentioned this on the blog before....but when i was in high school, i had a group of 3 close friends. 2 of us had been best friends since kindergarten (when that label is easy to give, and tends to stick around for a LOOOOOONG time), and the other 2 girls had been the same way since 2nd grade. the 4 of us were together all the time. when we went to college...2 of us lived together, and the other 2 went to school together back home.

we've all been in each other's weddings. at each other's birthdays...basically, the same since high school.

only for the last 2 years or girl and her husband have been blowing us off. not showing up for planned events. choosing other friends first. so we stopped inviting them. because when they DID show was like they were doing us a favor. or they'd only ever talk about themselves...NEVER asking about any of our lives. and that ish isn't cool.

so i've been fine with writing off my former best friend as a friendship that just ran its course. it happens. and i was cool with it.

but now? now she's bored at home with an 8 month old daguther for the summer...and she's been hounding me about doing something.

except she only commented on facebook when my father was in the hospital, and didn't you know....actually check back.

and she didn't check on me after i found out AT HER HOUSE that i was hpv-positive.

and there are loads of other little things that add up to a pretty big thing that i don't think we should be friends anymore.


because she may be the least self-aware person i've ever met. and an in-person convo would quickly turn into all the things I'VE done or someone else has done and excuses excuses excuses.

so...can you break up with someone via email? because i think that's my only option that doesn't involve continuing to ignore it and hope it all goes away?

being a grown-up is hard. anyone else have some breakup advice??

Friday, June 15, 2012

accesorizing like it's 1989

i never went to summer camp when i was a kid. the closest i came was a few day camps my mom sent me to during the summer....and MOST of them were straight-up nerd camps. cuz you know....most kids want to do science experiments for several house a day for a week. no? just me? okay then!

anywho, while i was rocking out some baking soda and vinegar volcanoes...most kids were apparently learning how to weave some fancy-ass bracelets out of twigs and string and whatnot.

and now, at almost 29...the internet is trying to convince me i need to pay them money for these things.
this bracelet  for example, is super cute. and fun.but bitches are CRAZY if they think i'm paying them 35 DOLLARS for this bad boy. i's plastic strips! plastic!! no ma'am. $35 is a lot of wine for this girl.

so what did i do? LIKE YOU EVEN NEED TO ASK.

of COURSE i made my own. cuz let me tell you about that plastic comes in approximately 90 million colors. and then michaels will trick you by having little 10 yard spools for a dollar. but for only $2.50, you can get a big spool. will then be left wondering what to do WITH ONE HUNDRED YARDS OF THIS STUFF....but it's cheaper than buying the little ones. or at least....that's what i'm telling myself.

i now cannot stop making these bracelets. even though somehow...i was only able to correctly measure the string THE FIRST TIME. the second and third ones are a smidge shorter ( has like 3 jump rings on each side, BUT IT'S GREEN. and i might make a better one anyways). and it may have taken me the better part of two hours wednesday night to get the hang of i literally thought this bracelet would be done sometime in december. or i'd chuck it out my window on the highway. one of the 2.

OH, and just to complete my totally 80's flashback...i worked on this WHILE WATCHING DALLAS. it was basically my 7 year old self's dream night...minus some lisa frank folders and a new my little pony. but you can't have everything.

Monday, June 11, 2012

late night lessons from walmart, and why i married my husband

i don't know about where you live...but here in the dirrty south.....sometimes, you just end up at walmart on a saturday night. sometimes it's several walmarts.

sometimes, it's to buy toilet paper and a styrofoam container of bait because you're 16, finally have a license and one of your guy friends just needs a little prize to wake up to...but that's neither here nor there.

for reasons i don't totally saturday night with the hubs ended with us hitting up SEVERAL walmarts. i blame the first one for showing him an obnoxious motivational poster WITH A TANK ON IT, from which he devised a brand-new decorating scheme for the office. it involves more tanks, lots of sci-fi books, and his framed certificate of ministry from when he ordained himself online.

and while it doesn't ALWAYS happen....sometimes walmart throws you a bone on the humor front.
get it? throw a bone? a shirt with a dog in a camo outfit?? yeahhhh....this was one of SEVERAL "patriotic" shirts we saw...they were all basically tie-dyed shirts. with animals like dogs or eagles or wolves. and then american flags.

there was a lady's version that was purple with DOLPHINS on it i may be plotting to buy for the tackiest 4th of july EVERRRR.

but not 3 minutes after this t-shirt was recorded for all time....the hubs and i were rewarded with a truly horrifying sight. the kind of thing that really can ONLY happen at walmart.
yep. you're not seeing things. that is in fact that woman's ASS CRACK on display. for all to see.

and husband did choose this very line for us to check out in, JUST so i could not only see this nightmare for myself, but slyly take a photo of it so it could be shared with the world. he's a good one, that man of mine.

still, even DAYS later...i'm so confused by it. there's NO way this woman didn't know her crack was out. she could FEEL a draft in there right?? i's like a tunnel for air down into her pants.  and while i fully embrace the fact that i am no skinny waif girl....i also know WHEN MY PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT TO WEAR IN PUBLIC. as one of my friend's so aptly put it...just because you can get them on, doesn't mean they fit. because clearly...these do NOT fit. they probably haven't fit in YEARS. so unless she is blind, AND has no sensation of touch anywhere on her body AND has a much skinnier, much shorter sister at home who shares a closet....THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY.
clearly...she needs this.

which was also at walmart.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

is neonaholism a thing?

it's true.the rumors you've heard.

the ones about my time machine.


true story: in 1989, when i was a whopping 6 years old...i have both neon pink AND neon yellow socks. and i'd wear them both at the same time, with one color scrunched over the other. because clearly...i was the coolest blind 1st grader on the block.

and while i do love me some neon, CLEARLY....i also love not spending money on things. or at least....spending a very little amount. so i can buy more things with the same money. not for SAVING or anything...that ish is crazy talk. saving is for grown-ups. obviously...that is not me.

so, when i realized i had 2 bottles of neon acrylic paint hanging out at my house (yes, i bought them with no specific project in mind....AND NO YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME FOR IT), plus some fabric paint medium left over from making my super sweet hunger games tshirt....i decided to raid my closet and see what i could work with.

see....i'm the clumsy girl who can't help but get at least a spot of something on just about every white tee i own. it's why i always buy a new one or 2 every year from target/old navy/etc. 

but with a little masking tape, a little mixing of my paint and medium and about 30 minutes...i had the shirts you see above!

they are awesome. and the paint covers the tiny stains. and they were basically FREE since i had all the parts to make them already!!

plus...they're neon and pink and yellow. so clearly i will be wearing them until they turn threadbare and falling apart and i look like a sad neon hobo. or a really bright neon hobo...whichever comes first.

i may or may not be plotting a little neon chevron action in the near future.

also...apparently "masonry twine" is neon pink. and a giant roll of it is like $4 from home depot. so i whipped up a triple-wrap bracelet in about 15 minutes yesterday afternoon. you may have to pry it off my arm....because i am NEVER taking it off. ARM PARTY AHOY!!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

i don't need no stinking airline...but i might need a crane.

i have a confession to make. i have an airline snacks.

but not just any airline cookies.

aka biscoff cookies....aka the best cookies IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. forget those little girl scout whiners with their badges and their favorite cookies come from a smiling lady in blue who ALSO gives me free soda.

so imagine my sheer delight and glee when last week, i went to the grocery store and they had a jar of golden, gingernsap but not deliciousness just sitting there waiting for my to have an internal full-on freakout.
blog my absolute current favorite thing. biscoff spread on ritz crackers. it's like the most perfect sweet treat, with a little salty crunch....dare i say i like this BETTER than the cookies themselves?? i think i might!

6 days in....and i've got about half a jar running around in my veins. which isn't too shabby, considering i could probably eat a whole jar in one sitting if i didn't force myself to take it upstairs and into the kitchen after about 6 crackers.

i'm trying to think of other things i could eat this spread with that don't involved just a spoon and my own personal shame.

at least i made this for dinner last night for some veggie and chicken goodness before my biscofff binge ;)

anyone else love delta cookies, or biscoff spread? you should definitely try it if you haven't!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

and they were all yellow...

it's clear i have a problem.

and that problem has once again shown itself to be neon yellow.
got this necklace at kohls for a song, and finally swapped out the heinous black cord for something a little classier.

and then a little trip to home depot and some spray paint, and i've got this fancypants geometric necklace. i love her.
and i might have done a little dance when this beauty arrived in the mail yesterday. she's a little smaller than my current army green steve madden satchel bag...BUT SHE'S NEON YELLOW. and she doesn't look cheap and sleezy like some of the neon yellow bags i've seen. and she doesn't cost more than my monthly grocery bill like some OTHER neon bags i've seen.  for $30 from shoplately? HELL TO THE YES.

and no, of COURSE i didn't also buy some neon yellow nail polish this weekend. of course not.

i'm not currently rocking a neon orange capable of stopping traffic on my nails right now either. never. not me.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

how hard can hiding boxes be??

my name is hayley, and i have ANOTHER shopping obsession.

a shopping boyfriend if you will.

he's very fashionable, and gay obviously...cuz the funnest ones are.  once a day, he sends me an email with lots of fun new accessories that are on sale. 

and his name is shoplately.
yep. got these in the mail monday, and the blue ones went on my ears ASAP. omg i am obsessed. 

these 2 earrings, plus a cute little skull necklace for sis, PLUS shipping? a whopping $20 and change. 


 and yes...i am weak. i have already purchased a neon bag, and a pair of silver studs that should be here by the end of the week.

so, if you're interested...sign up here. you'll get a $5 credit after your first purchase, and if you use the code SHOPLATELY, you can get $5 off when you spend $25!

i'll be at home, trying to figure out how many times i can tell the hubs "no babe, i've had these forever" before he starts getting suspicious.

Monday, May 14, 2012

i wanna kick a lady in the ankle...and in her face.

see that dashing fellow to my left?

he's my totally awesome, harley-riding, best a girl could ever ask for dad.

and right now...he's laying in a hospital bed.  and his eldest daughter would REALLY appreciate any prayers you've got!

on saturday, i got a frantic call from my mom that they were headed to the ER, but that my dad was "mostly okay".

he was riding his harley home after a morning of tearing up the highway with his buddies. less than 10 miles from home, some woman decided that a stop sign was just a suggestion INSTEAD OF THE LAW, and blew right through it.

and my dad, and his bike, slammed right into her passenger side.

according to the nice folks that were having some kind of party at their house and saw the whole thing, he flew 20+ feet before landing on the asphalt. all these nice people also made sure the police who arrived knew that they all saw the woman run the sign. my dad was in NO WAY at fault.

thank God he's only got a busted ankle. granted, it's a fractured on both sides, required surgery yesterday morning ankle. it's a he won't be allowed to put ANY weight on it for about 3 months ankle. it's a there's gonna be some major adjustments at my parent's house for the rest of 2012 ankle.

but it's JUST an ankle. his helmet wasn't even scratched. all his scans showed NOTHING but a busted ankle. and the soreness that comes from wrecking into the ground...but mostly, just an ankle.

yes, i saved it up on my wedding day, and only full-on ugly cried during our dance. cuz you know...that's how the cool kids roll.

so if you could send some good thoughts my daddy's way, that'd be awesome. my parents will be doing what they do best once he gets out of the hospital....dealing. making things okay. figuring out what's next.

and i'll be making sure daddio is stocked with treats, and movies. lots of movies.  so maybe some earplugs for my mom too =)