Thursday, December 30, 2010

raise your hand if you haven't been to shipping school

i think, for most of us...we have, at some point in our lives mailed a package.

probably taking lots of care to make sure it gets to its destination intact, and in tip-top shape.

APPARENTLY some people are not like that.

like the lady my hubs bought my most-wanted christmas present from.

yes, out of all the things in all the world, the think i wanted most with all my sparkly pink, 27 year the babycakes. it makes 8 mini cupcakes in 5-8 minutes. and i am OBSESSED.

so when it arrived the week before christmas, i was ecstatic...but also a little annoyed at the lady who mailed it for SLAPPING A SHIPPING LABEL ON THE MANUFACTURER'S BOX AND SENDING IT ON IT'S MERRY WAY.

um....those boxes are not really made for mass transit. they're GLUED together lady. not obsessively packing taped like i send my mail, to make sure nothing happens to it. plus...they make large flat-rate shipping boxes. you can get for FREE. and i'm pretty sure getting that sent to me house would cost less than the $12.60 you paid to ship THE MACHINE IN THE BOX IT CAME IN.

so strike 1 for lady...i found out about hubs' surprise present (he pulled the whole "oh, it's sold out everywhere, i can't find one" nonsense to make me think i wasn't getting one).

strike 2 comes when i giddily open my new toy christmas morning...and see the handle has a big fat CRACK in it. as in not perfect out of the box. as in marred before i even have a chance to drop it and mess it up myself. cuz that i'm okay with. my dents and dings will give it character. YOURS are uncalled for.

hmmm...i wonder why it cracked shipping from oregon. PROBABLY BECAUSE THE BOX WASN'T MADE FOR MAILING.

ugh...i'm still so mad at her!

luckily...we found one online from bed, bath and beyond...and YES, i fully intend to return the cracked one to the store for that money back. this girl has NO. SHAME.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

things you should know if we're gonna be BFF

the gorgeous ashley over at little miss momma had a great idea this week....a list of things YOU need to know before we can be bloggy bff's.

so here goes mine...and if these are dealbreakers, i get it.

i LOATHE bell peppers. i think they're naaaaasty, and anything they're in tastes like them...and that's nasty too.

eels totally scare me, and no, it's NOT because of the little mermaid.

only when i realllllly like you, will i start wearing shorter shoes when we hang out so i don't tower over you.

i'm loud. REAL LOUD. and i have a major potty mouth...don't tell my grandma.

i love my dogs...but their bad manners make me nervous about raising human babies one day.

i need things in even numbers. like the volume on the tv. and the amount of starburst i eat.

i can't whistle. never learned how.

but i CAN say my alphabet backwards...and it's my secret dream to, for some non-illegal reason, have a police officer ask me to do it...cuz i would BLOW. HIS. MIND.

i CANNOT deal with people who can't use correct automatically labels you as ignorant in my book. i kinda feel the same way with spelling...cuz spellcheck is not that hard.

my only exception is ya'll.....because it looks prettier than y'all.
i am a notorious duck-facer. i can't help it. it just happens...mostly when i'm drunk. or can't make my smile look normal.

this is a distinctly hayley version of the DF...and i do this a lot.

if you wanna play along, link up at LMM's blog!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

monday shopping fail...or win?

yesterday i did my christmas good karma act for the season....and went with the husband of my close friend to victoria's secret so he didn't have to go alone.

boys are such a trip about shopping for underwear....they SURE like looking at it, but being somewhere it's sold makes them craaaaaazy.

anyhoo, while i was at the mall, i decided to swing by bath and body works for free stuff. see, i had this coupon HERE for a free lip item with ANY purchase. so of course, i look for the cheapest thing i can find...which is a $1 sample of their new fragrances.

it's apparently a summer island theme, cuz there was a coconut one, a mango one, and i got the passion fruit one. paid my $1 (in change!! holla!) and walked out with my lotion and minty gloss.

then i keep trying to figure out what the lotion smells like...cuz i don't know much about ACTUAL passion fruits.

last night, when i smell it hits me.

i'm gonna be smelling like my freshman year in college. like my favorite girly drink ever, until i learned that there is booze WAY better than fruity, sickeningly sweet drinks.

that's right kids...this ish smells JUST LIKE...a sex on the beach. or at least how it tastes.


Monday, December 20, 2010

it's like a shiny trip down memory lane

i admit...i'm a total martha stewart whore. i LOVE her. i, to this day, buy martha stewart weddings magazines because i love them.

but when it comes to christmas,

i have to ignore ms. stewart. because, as much as i love theme, matchy trees in other people's homes, and in ain't for me.

at least not right now...because i simply cannot fathom NOT having all my ornaments, with all my memories on my tree.

and since it's five days until christmas, and i officially hit adulthood this weekend when my mother handed over ALL of my ornaments from when i was a kid...i thought you might like to see the things twinkling on my tree.

first off....the hubs and i have started trying to buy ornaments when we travel. this evil eye talisman came from greece on our honeymoon....we also got a little pair of clogs from the airport in amsterdam....since TECHNICALLY we've been to the netherlands...even if it was just a layover =)
this is one of the newest ornaments on my tree....and a blog buddy turned real-life bff has the same one. we bought them on a target date....and they are so gloriously obnoxious and tacky that they could NOT be ignored.

if the godfather was a drag queen...he'd have bought this ornament.

there's also the ornaments that commemorate my undying love for all things cinderella.
what, you DON'T have a castle covered in glitter that also fits a christmas light in it?! are missing out then. i've totally got the slipper on a pillow ornament...AND cinderella's pumpkin chariot.

don't be jealous.
really? you thought i wouldn't have some shoes on my tree?? tsk tsk...of COURSE i do!! and it's barbie, OF COURSE. those bad boys also spin.
i got this little lady from my kindergarten teacher. so yes....she's got a ding or 2. but she's also 22 YEARS OLD. ornament years that's gotta be least 40. but she won't get botox...she's too classy for that.

and now, most favorite ornament EVER....
he's my jumping jack!!! see how his right leg looks a little off....yeah, it doesn't "jump" anymore. so he waves his arms...and kicks one foot. he also lost his head once, but mama remedied that. i can't even remember a time when i didn't have this guy to share christmas with when i got him out of the box, i honestly teared up a little. because he's with me. he'll be hanging out on the tree when my kids have christmas. SO. WEIRD.

i've got all sorts of ornaments, the hubs and i get a dated one every year, plus whatever catches my eye...but nothing beats my old-school ones =)

do you have a favorite ornament for your tree?

Friday, December 17, 2010

i like julia and all...but i don't wanna be her.

it's tough being a tall girl sometimes. trust me...i feel for you short girls. you gotta hit up the tailor for pants, and sometimes dresses and skirts are too long to look cute. BUT, sometimes ya'll get to shop in the kid's section, and that seems pretty sweet. my friend wears like a 5 shoe, and she buys the cutest flats in the girl's section at target. SO jealous.

but shorter sexy ladies have stuff to take OFF your can get things shortened. we leggy ladies....NOT so much. unless i added lace trim to everything, and let's be honest....that look went out awhile ago.

anyhoo, i HATE trying to find pants that are long enough, and boots that are tall enough.

see, i've been wanting to rock this look for awhile now. i mean, how freaking fierce does kate look in those boots?? BUT i didn't want to spend a ton of money, seeing as how i'm not sure how long this look will be stylist...AND since i don't have a job, i feel kinda bad spending the hubs' paycheck on some hot boots (even though i'm sure a little wardrobe alteration could make him change his mind...hehe).

so.....imagine my surprise at my target find today =)
ooooh, so prettttttyyyyyy. AND they actually go OVER. MY. KNEE. it's like a freaking miracle. for a girl who LOATHES jean shopping, because not only do i need my butt to look great, and my waist to NOT be muffiny...i gotta find them long enough. cuz it does NOT rain here enough for highwaters.

they're black faux suede, and a reallllllly small little heel in the back. and....they were $35.

but the risk of over-the-knee boots??

that's right....looking like a hooker. granted, i keep my holey leotard thing saved for special occasions....but STILL. i wanna look like a million bucks...NOT like i go for $5000 for a weekend.

i need to try these bad boys on with some jeans and such (and maybe, ::gasp:: jump on the jeggings train....we shall see), and i'm DYING for some of your favorite OTK outfits.

and if you hate can tell me that too =) happy friday!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

a sled is not as awesome as a hot tub

hi, my name is hayley, and i JUST joined netflix. i know, crazy. i feel like everyone on the planet gets movies in little red envelopes except me....well now i do, but you know what i mean.

so this weekend, for our second choice of home-delivered movies...we choose a klassic. you know...those movies that are classic for their general ridiculousness. like the hangover. or any movie will ferrell has ever been in EVER.

and everyone knows a cold saturday night means...


now i had VERY low expectations of this flick....i KNEW we were not in for citizen kane.

sidenote:: how come everyone compares great films, or crappy ones, to citizen kane?? have you SEEN citizen kane?? it is a grade-a snorefest. also, it has the worst movie twist OF ALL TIME.

spoiler alert....rosebud is a sled. A FREAKING SLED. this is not a "bruce willis is really dead" kind of plot twist. that ish was amazing. CK SUCKS. usual with low expectations, comes great surprises.


i literally laughed out loud the whole movie. yes, it's crude...and yes, there's LOTS of adult language. but for's funny funny stuff. and it doesn't take itself too's a movie about a hot tub time machine for crying out loud.

plus, i think craig robinson is HYSTERICAL. or at least...i think the guy he plays on the office is hysterical, and this guy is real similar.

and let's face it....i got nothing but love for john cusak.

anyone else witnessed the awesomeness of HTTM? any netflix movie suggestions?

Friday, December 10, 2010

i feel so boring!

it has been COLD around these southern parts lately (yes...that's what she said), and i have been feeling TRES uninspired. sure, i could wax poetic about my love for all things flannel pajamas (right now, rocking yellow ones with umbrellas from a few years back), but even that seems lame.

and while i am chock full o' the christmas spirit...i'm also kinda annoyed i have no events to go to, so i have no reason for fancy new clothes. and let me tell you...stores are FULL of pretties right now.

i MIGHT have purchased some boots from target last week....but still.

okay, i also bought 2 sequin tanks from old navy and some lotion from bath and body works. BUT WHO'S COUNTING.

and i swear...the little drummer boy is stalking me. I HATE THAT SONG. and everywhere i's playing. GAH. dumb boy and his dumb drum....i wanna punch him.

also, i totally almost punched a waitress wednesday night who gave my friends and i HORRID service, basically ignored all of her tables, disappeared for 20 minutes at a time...and then had the audacity to apologize to us and BLAME THE HOSTESS FOR GIVING HER TOO MANY TABLES. uh, no hooker...this girl has BEEN a waitress, and you still do your job. and you never blame other people to the customers.

that's why you didn't get a tip.

enough randomness for a friday morning? want some more?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

an open letter to the bucks

dear starbucks,

i know we've had our rough patches. there for awhile....i kinda hated your coffee and it's slightly burnt taste.

but we've grown. we've matured. and lately...we've had a real good run. you're the home of lots of meet-ups with my peeps, and you've got caffeine AND that's awesome.

but, we took a major step back. so you might wanna have a chat with the scowly kid working.

cuz you see this? this is christmas blend. it literally looks like these bags are taking over your store....full-on invasion style. if they grew legs like gremlins, we'd be in big trouble.


seriously....this stuff isn't made already?? you don't have a line item in the manual about keeping coffee brewed AT YOUR COFFEE SHOP?!

cuz i swear scowly kid was acting like he had to roast the beans with his laser eyes or some crazy ish. and don't get me started on the 8th grade science experiment he used to actually make my cup of coffee.

so next time....HAVE THAT ISH AT THE READY.


your favorite redheaded caffeine addict.

p.s. 2 splendas means TWO. MOTHER EFFING. SPLENDAS.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

what i wanna be when i grow up

if i could pick one thing to magically be for a day, a super special wish....
it's this.

a victoria's secret angel, mostly just for the annual fashion show.
i've totally got a legit list of reasons why i could do it right now, minus the whole probably needing to lost 50 pounds to not scare anyone prancing around in my underpants.

1. i'm totally already taller than heidi, who according to wikipedia, is 5'9". i'm 5'10"!!
2. everyone already talks about the way i walk....they joke i always look like i'm on a runway. i think it's the long legs thing...i can't take little steps!!
3. i love sparkly things. and the runway this year was gold glitter!
4. pouty lips? GOT IT.
5. i can wear tall shoes. i'm actually MUCH more graceful in heels than in flats or barefooted.
6. they don't have a redheaded angel. and yes...technically it's fake...but STILL.

anyone else wanna join my angel dream??