remember how a few weeks ago i said i was teaching myself to crochet??
LOOKIT WHAT I MAAAAADDDDEEEEEEEE.
i may or may not be slowly turning into a grandma....because i LOVE me some crochet. but scarves are all i can make. so i may have to start handing them out at the grocery store, or wearing4 at the time to justify my habit.
on a totally unrelated note....you know what's awesome 4 days before christmas??
GETTING A PHONE CALL FROM THE LADY DOCTOR.
oh yes...the infamous "abnormal pap results" right here. according to the rude lady named jennifer on the phone who could not answer my questions...my tests came back HPV positive. so that's awesome. OR NOT.
i'm hoping that it's either a false positive, or a flare-up because of stress...cuz apparently that can happen. like you're just walking around all HPV-d up, and never know....but then you have a week where your great-aunt dies, then your best friend's baby dies, then you get into a screaming fight with your sister...then 36 hours later you're at the doctor and then two weeks later some bitch named jennifer calls you and tells you it "doesn't automatically mean you'll get cancer". THANKS TWAT, I KNOW THAT. although, if you're gonna go down the dangerous path known as google...there are a LOT scarier things to google than HPV. when i was in college, i was convinced i had meningitis. i did not.
so now i get to go BACK to the land of stirrups and open-front gowns...IN THREE WEEKS. so....i'm guessing my lady parts aren't gonna fall off right away, since they are apparently in NO hurry to see me. stupid jennifer.
and for the record....this has NEVER happened before, and i have been doing the dirty with one dude exclusively for 5 years. so your guess is as good as mine as to what the eff is going on. i'm REALLY trying not to freak the eff out...cuz you know, that's a super fun thing to happen RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
anyone else ever dealt with the dreaded abnormal?