Thursday, December 22, 2011

hooking my way to the top...if only the doctor wasn't involved

remember how a few weeks ago i said i was teaching myself to crochet??

LOOKIT WHAT I MAAAAADDDDEEEEEEEE.
see, clearly i am too awesome at crocheting to bother with cleaning my mirror.

i may or may not be slowly turning into a grandma....because i LOVE me some crochet. but scarves are all i can make. so i may have to start handing them out at the grocery store, or wearing4 at the time to justify my habit.

on a totally unrelated note....you know what's awesome 4 days before christmas??

GETTING A PHONE CALL FROM THE LADY DOCTOR.

oh yes...the infamous "abnormal pap results" right here. according to the rude lady named jennifer on the phone who could not answer my questions...my tests came back HPV positive. so that's awesome. OR NOT.

i'm hoping that it's either a false positive, or a flare-up because of stress...cuz apparently that can happen. like you're just walking around all HPV-d up, and never know....but then you have a week where your great-aunt dies, then your best friend's baby dies, then you get into a screaming fight with your sister...then 36 hours later you're at the doctor and then two weeks later some bitch named jennifer calls you and tells you it "doesn't automatically mean you'll get cancer". THANKS TWAT, I KNOW THAT. although, if you're gonna go down the dangerous path known as google...there are a LOT scarier things to google than HPV. when i was in college, i was convinced i had meningitis. i did not.

so now i get to go BACK to the land of stirrups and open-front gowns...IN THREE WEEKS. so....i'm guessing my lady parts aren't gonna fall off right away, since they are apparently in NO hurry to see me. stupid jennifer.

and for the record....this has NEVER happened before, and i have been doing the dirty with one dude exclusively for 5 years. so your guess is as good as mine as to what the eff is going on. i'm REALLY trying not to freak the eff out...cuz you know, that's a super fun thing to happen RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

anyone else ever dealt with the dreaded abnormal?

8 comments:

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

I have! I had CIN I a couple of years back, and neglected to go back to the doctor since my OB/GYN said we would use the "wait and see" method. 2 years later and I was diagnosed with CIN II/CIN III, so you definitely don't want to put it off. I am HPV Positive (high risk) too, also exclusively doing it with a dude for 5 years. Men don't know they have it (and there's no test for men), so it's possible you got it from your dude and didn't know, because it can lay dormant. I had a LEEP 4 weeks ago, and all went well.

It's really not as scary as people make it out to be (though not something to take lightly.) You'll be fine!!!

anna said...

can't say that i have, but i wish you the best of luck!!
also, i LOVE your scarvess that you're making. are they scarves or cowels? either way. love them. i need to learn how. all i can do are hats.

Allison said...

btdt.
it sucked, not gonna lie. my precancerous cells kept coming back so i ended up having a colposcopy...not a word you want to hear. however, i'm totally clear now, so all is good!
sorry you have to go through this, but you are not alone.

AmandaDF said...

Oh lord, I've been there. Two colposcopys later and all looks good for once-Thank god.

I'm sure everything will turn out fine-some docs are just overly cautious, which can be a good thing or a major pain in the butt. I'll be thinking of ya, lady.

Those scarves are awesome, btw. I'm thinking about teaching myself how to knit. Between that and my 10pm bedtime, I'm pretty sure I'm officially an old lady.

SSS said...

My mom has had abnormal paps since she was about 20 and Lord knows that girl was hardly promiscuous. Sometimes, unfortunately, our bodies are stupid. Try not to stress, it is super duper common. Congrats on not having meningitis 8 years ago, I'd consider that a win. ;o)

brooke said...

omg..the first photo i cannot even handle..so legit..i love it..i miss that face!!!!!!

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