Wednesday, June 27, 2012

breaking up is hard to do

no, i'm not breaking up with YOU guys...i could never quit you.

this is about something harder than that...breaking up with a friend.
too bad in real life, it's not actually this easy.

i can't remember if i mentioned this on the blog before....but when i was in high school, i had a group of 3 close friends. 2 of us had been best friends since kindergarten (when that label is easy to give, and tends to stick around for a LOOOOOONG time), and the other 2 girls had been the same way since 2nd grade. the 4 of us were together all the time. when we went to college...2 of us lived together, and the other 2 went to school together back home.

we've all been in each other's weddings. at each other's birthdays...basically, the same since high school.


only for the last 2 years or so...one girl and her husband have been blowing us off. not showing up for planned events. choosing other friends first. so we stopped inviting them. because when they DID show up...it was like they were doing us a favor. or they'd only ever talk about themselves...NEVER asking about any of our lives. and that ish isn't cool.

so i've been fine with writing off my former best friend as a friendship that just ran its course. it happens. and i was cool with it.

but now? now she's bored at home with an 8 month old daguther for the summer...and she's been hounding me about doing something.

except she only commented on facebook when my father was in the hospital, and didn't you know....actually check back.

and she didn't check on me after i found out AT HER HOUSE that i was hpv-positive.

and there are loads of other little things that add up to a pretty big thing that i don't think we should be friends anymore.

EXCEPT NOW I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER.

because she may be the least self-aware person i've ever met. and an in-person convo would quickly turn into all the things I'VE done or someone else has done and excuses excuses excuses.

so...can you break up with someone via email? because i think that's my only option that doesn't involve continuing to ignore it and hope it all goes away?

being a grown-up is hard. anyone else have some breakup advice??

4 comments:

Unknown said...

So, I can understand why a friend who only talks about herself is shitty, or that she didn't ask about the terrible accident your dad had. But, I really do not think you need comforting or need her to follow up re: the HPV, unless you needed some treatment for it (aka surgery.) HPV is really common, and I wouldn't think twice if my friends didn't ask how my STD was doing. I get you found out at her place, but that's kind of where the conversation should end, unless you bring it up again. Just my .02.

lil desiqua said...

That's a crappy situation. I'm in a similar one myself. But do you really need to send an email? If you just stop responding, do you think the friendship would just fizzle out on its own? What have your other best friends done about her, or is she only acting this way towards you? I feel like it would be hard to end decades worth of friendship in an email, but if you feel most comfortable that way, then go for it! There's no reason to keep someone in your life who treats you poorly. Good luck and keep us posted!

bananas. said...

yuck! these situations are never fun. and i'm terrible at giving advice when it comes to "breaking up" with friends since i tend to go the easy route and end all communication cold turkey.

kinda heartless, yes...but it is what it is.

Shabbatpoint0 said...

"So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" - Like all good things, some friendships must come to an end. Tell her like it is, pull the band aid off nice and qucik, I will hurt a lot at first but then like all wounds it heals. I have had to remove people from my life for being toxic. I am much better off without them.