Monday, June 11, 2012

late night lessons from walmart, and why i married my husband

i don't know about where you live...but here in the dirrty south.....sometimes, you just end up at walmart on a saturday night. sometimes it's several walmarts.

sometimes, it's to buy toilet paper and a styrofoam container of bait because you're 16, finally have a license and one of your guy friends just needs a little prize to wake up to...but that's neither here nor there.

for reasons i don't totally saturday night with the hubs ended with us hitting up SEVERAL walmarts. i blame the first one for showing him an obnoxious motivational poster WITH A TANK ON IT, from which he devised a brand-new decorating scheme for the office. it involves more tanks, lots of sci-fi books, and his framed certificate of ministry from when he ordained himself online.

and while it doesn't ALWAYS happen....sometimes walmart throws you a bone on the humor front.
get it? throw a bone? a shirt with a dog in a camo outfit?? yeahhhh....this was one of SEVERAL "patriotic" shirts we saw...they were all basically tie-dyed shirts. with animals like dogs or eagles or wolves. and then american flags.

there was a lady's version that was purple with DOLPHINS on it i may be plotting to buy for the tackiest 4th of july EVERRRR.

but not 3 minutes after this t-shirt was recorded for all time....the hubs and i were rewarded with a truly horrifying sight. the kind of thing that really can ONLY happen at walmart.
yep. you're not seeing things. that is in fact that woman's ASS CRACK on display. for all to see.

and husband did choose this very line for us to check out in, JUST so i could not only see this nightmare for myself, but slyly take a photo of it so it could be shared with the world. he's a good one, that man of mine.

still, even DAYS later...i'm so confused by it. there's NO way this woman didn't know her crack was out. she could FEEL a draft in there right?? i's like a tunnel for air down into her pants.  and while i fully embrace the fact that i am no skinny waif girl....i also know WHEN MY PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT TO WEAR IN PUBLIC. as one of my friend's so aptly put it...just because you can get them on, doesn't mean they fit. because clearly...these do NOT fit. they probably haven't fit in YEARS. so unless she is blind, AND has no sensation of touch anywhere on her body AND has a much skinnier, much shorter sister at home who shares a closet....THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY.
clearly...she needs this.

which was also at walmart.

1 comment:

Claire Kiefer said...

WTF. How is it even possible for your crack to be showing when you're not even bending over? This convinces me that People of Walmart really is real. Half the time I think that shit is staged. I guess not. Ay.