raise your hand if you haven't been to shipping school

i think, for most of us...we have, at some point in our lives mailed a package.

probably taking lots of care to make sure it gets to its destination intact, and in tip-top shape.

APPARENTLY some people are not like that.

like the lady my hubs bought my most-wanted christmas present from.


yes, out of all the things in all the world, the think i wanted most with all my sparkly pink, 27 year old...is the babycakes. it makes 8 mini cupcakes in 5-8 minutes. and i am OBSESSED.

so when it arrived the week before christmas, i was ecstatic...but also a little annoyed at the lady who mailed it for SLAPPING A SHIPPING LABEL ON THE MANUFACTURER'S BOX AND SENDING IT ON IT'S MERRY WAY.

um....those boxes are not really made for mass transit. they're GLUED together lady. not obsessively packing taped like i send my mail, to make sure nothing happens to it. plus...they make large flat-rate shipping boxes. you can get for FREE. and i'm pretty sure getting that sent to me house would cost less than the $12.60 you paid to ship THE MACHINE IN THE BOX IT CAME IN.

so strike 1 for lady...i found out about hubs' surprise present (he pulled the whole "oh, it's sold out everywhere, i can't find one" nonsense to make me think i wasn't getting one).

strike 2 comes when i giddily open my new toy christmas morning...and see the handle has a big fat CRACK in it. as in not perfect out of the box. as in marred before i even have a chance to drop it and mess it up myself. cuz that i'm okay with. my dents and dings will give it character. YOURS are uncalled for.

hmmm...i wonder why it cracked shipping from oregon. PROBABLY BECAUSE THE BOX WASN'T MADE FOR MAILING.

ugh...i'm still so mad at her!

luckily...we found one online from bed, bath and beyond...and YES, i fully intend to return the cracked one to the store for that money back. this girl has NO. SHAME.

things you should know if we're gonna be BFF

the gorgeous ashley over at little miss momma had a great idea this week....a list of things YOU need to know before we can be bloggy bff's.

so here goes mine...and if these are dealbreakers, i get it.

i LOATHE bell peppers. i think they're naaaaasty, and anything they're in tastes like them...and that's nasty too.

eels totally scare me, and no, it's NOT because of the little mermaid.

only when i realllllly like you, will i start wearing shorter shoes when we hang out so i don't tower over you.

i'm loud. REAL LOUD. and i have a major potty mouth...don't tell my grandma.

i love my dogs...but their bad manners make me nervous about raising human babies one day.

i need things in even numbers. like the volume on the tv. and the amount of starburst i eat.

i can't whistle. never learned how.

but i CAN say my alphabet backwards...and it's my secret dream to, for some non-illegal reason, have a police officer ask me to do it...cuz i would BLOW. HIS. MIND.

i CANNOT deal with people who can't use correct grammar....it automatically labels you as ignorant in my book. i kinda feel the same way with spelling...cuz spellcheck is not that hard.

my only exception is ya'll.....because it looks prettier than y'all.
i am a notorious duck-facer. i can't help it. it just happens...mostly when i'm drunk. or can't make my smile look normal.

this is a distinctly hayley version of the DF...and i do this a lot.




if you wanna play along, link up at LMM's blog!!

monday shopping fail...or win?

yesterday i did my christmas good karma act for the season....and went with the husband of my close friend to victoria's secret so he didn't have to go alone.

boys are such a trip about shopping for underwear....they SURE like looking at it, but being somewhere it's sold makes them craaaaaazy.

anyhoo, while i was at the mall, i decided to swing by bath and body works for free stuff. see, i had this coupon HERE for a free lip item with ANY purchase. so of course, i look for the cheapest thing i can find...which is a $1 sample of their new fragrances.

it's apparently a summer island theme, cuz there was a coconut one, a mango one, and i got the passion fruit one. paid my $1 (in change!! holla!) and walked out with my lotion and minty gloss.

then i keep trying to figure out what the lotion smells like...cuz i don't know much about ACTUAL passion fruits.

last night, when i smell it again...it hits me.

i'm gonna be smelling like my freshman year in college. like my favorite girly drink ever, until i learned that there is booze WAY better than fruity, sickeningly sweet drinks.

that's right kids...this ish smells JUST LIKE...a sex on the beach. or at least how it tastes.

mmmm....fruity....

it's like a shiny trip down memory lane

i admit...i'm a total martha stewart whore. i LOVE her. i, to this day, buy martha stewart weddings magazines because i love them.

but when it comes to christmas,

i have to ignore ms. stewart. because, as much as i love theme, matchy trees in other people's homes, and in photos...it ain't for me.

at least not right now...because i simply cannot fathom NOT having all my ornaments, with all my memories on my tree.

and since it's five days until christmas, and i officially hit adulthood this weekend when my mother handed over ALL of my ornaments from when i was a kid...i thought you might like to see the things twinkling on my tree.

first off....the hubs and i have started trying to buy ornaments when we travel. this evil eye talisman came from greece on our honeymoon....we also got a little pair of clogs from the airport in amsterdam....since TECHNICALLY we've been to the netherlands...even if it was just a layover =)
this is one of the newest ornaments on my tree....and a blog buddy turned real-life bff has the same one. we bought them on a target date....and they are so gloriously obnoxious and tacky that they could NOT be ignored.

if the godfather was a drag queen...he'd have bought this ornament.

there's also the ornaments that commemorate my undying love for all things cinderella.
what, you DON'T have a castle covered in glitter that also fits a christmas light in it?! clearly....you are missing out then. i've totally got the slipper on a pillow ornament...AND cinderella's pumpkin chariot.

don't be jealous.
really? you thought i wouldn't have some shoes on my tree?? tsk tsk...of COURSE i do!! and it's barbie, OF COURSE. those bad boys also spin.
i got this little lady from my kindergarten teacher. so yes....she's got a ding or 2. but she's also 22 YEARS OLD. so...in ornament years that's gotta be like....at least 40. but she won't get botox...she's too classy for that.

and now, drumroll.....my most favorite ornament EVER....
he's my jumping jack!!! see how his right leg looks a little off....yeah, it doesn't "jump" anymore. so he waves his arms...and kicks one foot. he also lost his head once, but mama remedied that. i can't even remember a time when i didn't have this guy to share christmas with me...so when i got him out of the box, i honestly teared up a little. because he's with me. he'll be hanging out on the tree when my kids have christmas. SO. WEIRD.

i've got all sorts of ornaments, the hubs and i get a dated one every year, plus whatever catches my eye...but nothing beats my old-school ones =)

do you have a favorite ornament for your tree?

i like julia and all...but i don't wanna be her.

it's tough being a tall girl sometimes. trust me...i feel for you short girls. you gotta hit up the tailor for pants, and sometimes dresses and skirts are too long to look cute. BUT, sometimes ya'll get to shop in the kid's section, and that seems pretty sweet. my friend wears like a 5 shoe, and she buys the cutest flats in the girl's section at target. SO jealous.

but see....you shorter sexy ladies have stuff to take OFF your clothes...you can get things shortened. we leggy ladies....NOT so much. unless i added lace trim to everything, and let's be honest....that look went out awhile ago.

anyhoo, i HATE trying to find pants that are long enough, and boots that are tall enough.

see, i've been wanting to rock this look for awhile now. i mean, how freaking fierce does kate look in those boots?? BUT i didn't want to spend a ton of money, seeing as how i'm not sure how long this look will be stylist...AND since i don't have a job, i feel kinda bad spending the hubs' paycheck on some hot boots (even though i'm sure a little wardrobe alteration could make him change his mind...hehe).

so.....imagine my surprise at my target find today =)
ooooh, so prettttttyyyyyy. AND they actually go OVER. MY. KNEE. it's like a freaking miracle. for a girl who LOATHES jean shopping, because not only do i need my butt to look great, and my waist to NOT be muffiny...i gotta find them long enough. cuz it does NOT rain here enough for highwaters.

they're black faux suede, and a reallllllly small little heel in the back. and....they were $35.

but the risk of over-the-knee boots??

that's right....looking like a hooker. granted, i keep my holey leotard thing saved for special occasions....but STILL. i wanna look like a million bucks...NOT like i go for $5000 for a weekend.

i need to try these bad boys on with some jeans and such (and maybe, ::gasp:: jump on the jeggings train....we shall see), and i'm DYING for some of your favorite OTK outfits.

and if you hate them....you can tell me that too =) happy friday!!

a sled is not as awesome as a hot tub

hi, my name is hayley, and i JUST joined netflix. i know, crazy. i feel like everyone on the planet gets movies in little red envelopes except me....well now i do, but you know what i mean.

so this weekend, for our second choice of home-delivered movies...we choose a klassic. you know...those movies that are classic for their general ridiculousness. like the hangover. or any movie will ferrell has ever been in EVER.

and everyone knows a cold saturday night means...

HOT. TUB. TIME. MACHINE.

now i had VERY low expectations of this flick....i KNEW we were not in for citizen kane.

sidenote:: how come everyone compares great films, or crappy ones, to citizen kane?? have you SEEN citizen kane?? it is a grade-a snorefest. also, it has the worst movie twist OF ALL TIME.

spoiler alert....rosebud is a sled. A FREAKING SLED. this is not a "bruce willis is really dead" kind of plot twist. that ish was amazing. CK SUCKS.

so...as usual with low expectations, comes great surprises.

THIS MOVIE IS HYSTERICAL.

i literally laughed out loud the whole movie. yes, it's crude...and yes, there's LOTS of adult language. but for serious....it's funny funny stuff. and it doesn't take itself too seriously....it's a movie about a hot tub time machine for crying out loud.

plus, i think craig robinson is HYSTERICAL. or at least...i think the guy he plays on the office is hysterical, and this guy is real similar.

and let's face it....i got nothing but love for john cusak.

anyone else witnessed the awesomeness of HTTM? any netflix movie suggestions?

i feel so boring!

it has been COLD around these southern parts lately (yes...that's what she said), and i have been feeling TRES uninspired. sure, i could wax poetic about my love for all things flannel pajamas (right now, rocking yellow ones with umbrellas from a few years back), but even that seems lame.

and while i am chock full o' the christmas spirit...i'm also kinda annoyed i have no events to go to, so i have no reason for fancy new clothes. and let me tell you...stores are FULL of pretties right now.

i MIGHT have purchased some boots from target last week....but still.

okay, i also bought 2 sequin tanks from old navy and some lotion from bath and body works. BUT WHO'S COUNTING.

and i swear...the little drummer boy is stalking me. I HATE THAT SONG. and everywhere i go...it's playing. GAH. dumb boy and his dumb drum....i wanna punch him.

also, i totally almost punched a waitress wednesday night who gave my friends and i HORRID service, basically ignored all of her tables, disappeared for 20 minutes at a time...and then had the audacity to apologize to us and BLAME THE HOSTESS FOR GIVING HER TOO MANY TABLES. uh, no hooker...this girl has BEEN a waitress, and you still do your job. and you never blame other people to the customers.

that's why you didn't get a tip.

enough randomness for a friday morning? want some more?

an open letter to the bucks

dear starbucks,

i know we've had our rough patches. there for awhile....i kinda hated your coffee and it's slightly burnt taste.

but we've grown. we've matured. and lately...we've had a real good run. you're the home of lots of meet-ups with my peeps, and you've got caffeine AND treats..so that's awesome.

but today....today, we took a major step back. so you might wanna have a chat with the scowly kid working.

cuz you see this? this is christmas blend. it literally looks like these bags are taking over your store....full-on invasion style. if they grew legs like gremlins, we'd be in big trouble.

so, when i ordered a grande christmas blend...I DID NOT THINK SCOWLY KID WAS GOING TO TAKE TEN MINUTES TO BREW MY ONE SOLITARY CUP.

seriously....this stuff isn't made already?? you don't have a line item in the manual about keeping coffee brewed AT YOUR COFFEE SHOP?!

cuz i swear scowly kid was acting like he had to roast the beans with his laser eyes or some crazy ish. and don't get me started on the 8th grade science experiment he used to actually make my cup of coffee.

so next time....HAVE THAT ISH AT THE READY.

mkay??

love,
your favorite redheaded caffeine addict.

p.s. 2 splendas means TWO. MOTHER EFFING. SPLENDAS.

what i wanna be when i grow up

if i could pick one thing to magically be for a day, a super special wish....
it's this.

a victoria's secret angel, mostly just for the annual fashion show.
i've totally got a legit list of reasons why i could do it right now, minus the whole probably needing to lost 50 pounds to not scare anyone prancing around in my underpants.

1. i'm totally already taller than heidi, who according to wikipedia, is 5'9". i'm 5'10"!!
2. everyone already talks about the way i walk....they joke i always look like i'm on a runway. i think it's the long legs thing...i can't take little steps!!
3. i love sparkly things. and the runway this year was gold glitter!
4. pouty lips? GOT IT.
5. i can wear tall shoes. i'm actually MUCH more graceful in heels than in flats or barefooted.
6. they don't have a redheaded angel. and yes...technically it's fake...but STILL.

anyone else wanna join my angel dream??

i think my body is turning on me

so apparently....i'm not as young as i used to be.

long ago, in a land far away known as "college"....i could go on little sleep, a lot of booze, and a lot of shopping.

now....notsomuch.

i spent all day thursday with my family and got up not-at-all bright and early for a little black friday shopping! did some damage to my bank account....but also did some damage to my christmas list!

then friday afternoon the hubs and i hit the road for the less-than-200 mile trek back to the other place my heart lives....athens, georgia.

home of the university of georgia, and hands down some of the most awesome experiences of my late teens and early 20's. cuz college is awesome and i miss it. and going back makes me a happy hayley.
this place is like my church. aka a football stadium. more specifically, THE football stadium of the georgia bulldogs. my boys. and those 92,000+ seats were filled with family =) minus the losers of course....

but 3 days of little sleep and lots of walking, drinking and of course screaming my head off saturday night have made my trachea rebel.

so be thankful this little blog is a text-only kind of thing....because otherwise you might be subjected to my slowly weakening voice....my guess is i'll be a bullfrog by wednesday morning. if not earlier.

oh yeah, and it feels like i'm trying to get a cold sore. NOT. AWESOME.

snacking like santa

i love thanksgiving/christmas/winter holidays.

i love being with my fam, and checking out lights, and belting out tunes about jesus and mistletoe and snowmen. but most of all....

most of all i love the food.

and my kitchen cabinets are all aglow right about now with loads of delicious christmasy treats.
dear candy cane oreos,

don't tell regular oreos...or even the double-stuffed ones....but you are my favorite of all the oreos. first off...you have 2 colors in your cream...so that's pretty awesome. secondly...your cream isn't just minty, it also has little bits o'candy cane in it. and that makes it minty and crunchy at the same time. so keep doing what you do.

love,
your loyal christmastime fan.

p.s. you, me and a batch of white chocolate are gonna have a threesome soon. get ready for the awesomeness.


dear gingerbread graham crackers,

thanks for existing. really. i mean it. i feel like i have known you my whole life, even from way back in elementary school...

yes, i remember taking regular graham crackers, and gluing them to milk cartons for the saddest christmas craft ever. but NOW, now i can make a real live gingerbread house...with graham crackers. cuz let's be honest...i'm not gonna make a REAL one. but i can probably manage a little fake one with some glue frosting.

love,
wanna be a bakery builder.

p.s. you make real good smores too.


dear dole,

BLESS YOU. bless you for making these little cups of deliciousness. bless you for making it possible for me to have a little taste of apple pie at 11pm on a thursday, without having to go all martha stewart, and take a break from my insider trading to make a perfect flaky pie crust. plus, it's fruit and granola....so it's practically some wheatgrass or wheat germ or something. okay, maybe not THAT healthy since it tastes like apple pie...but it's gotta be better than my BFF the oreos.

love,
i. love. pie.

it's the good kind of burn

was anyone else a girl scout? rocking the horrid little brown jumper and funny hat as a brownie??

yeah....me too. until i quit because they moved our meetings or whatever they were called to friday nights. and this girl was NOT missing her weekly date with cory mathews and the step-by-step family.

anyways, the hubs and i have been taking a trip down campfire lane lately (i never actually MADE a campfire as a girl scout...but i did sleep through a tornado at a slumber party once).
oooh, look at that burn, the glowy embers are the best to poke with a stick....cuz they are. duh.

it's been warmish here during the day, but at night it's pretty chilly, so on the weekends we set up camp in our backyard and fire this pit up. we even bought a bellows! you know...those things you puff air into a fire with....cuz i got tired of fanning with a paper plate trying to get the flames up.
and what's a fire without smores?! NOTHING I TELL YOU. a fire hasn't met it's full potential without at least marshmallows. it's like a high school kid getting C's, but could get A's if only he'd apply himself!!

and yes....we rock THREE kinds of chocolate for our smores party. and 2 kinds of graham crackers. and approximately 27 kinds of marshmallows.

okay, 5.

1. regular
2. caramel vanilla swirl
3. chocolate vanilla swirl
4. tiny gingerbread ones that we didn't actually break out yet...but we will
5. and last, but CERTAINLY not least, regular mallows the size of baseballs. cuz they are AWESOME.

we've even perfected how to melt the chocolate...cuz when it's 45 degrees out, just the heat of the marshmallow does NOT cut it. but a graham cracker with the chocolate, put on a grill spatula and held over the fire DOES.

anyone else love a good dose of burning? any fancy smores recipes we oughta be trying out?

mama needs to make some money

because i have kinda been spending the moola like crazy lately. and it's showing NO signs of stopping....OOOOPPPPSSS.

got this super adorable, super long, super sequined cardigan this weekend.

FROM KMART. not even kidding...mom and i ran in there to waste some time, and i came out with this....and mayyyyybeeeeee some flannel pj's with cupcakes on them. maybe. possibly.

and so, imagine my trauma when target.com decides to offer buy 1, get 1 50% off on boots.

cuz i HATE me some boots. (total sarcasm, i love boots. LOVE. i have recently rocked boots over jeans, with a tee-shirt because despite the warmer temps, it's november gosh darnit!!)

i've had my eye on these for awhile....they're actually dark grey, and i think i'd rock these more than black ones....cuz most of my wardrobe goes with brown neutrals. so i don't need black and grey....at least casual ones.

i still have my eye on some SUPER smokin' knee-high high-heeled black boots that the hubs likes to joke would be my way to earn "extra income".

and speaking of brown boots...i already have THREE PAIRS. three.

but aren't these pretty?????? don't they look like frye's....but at only $60, they're waaaayyyyyy cheaper.

BUT they're $60. and i don't know for sure the calves will even fit my scrawny legs. or if i'd be able to get pants down into these, which is how i'd want to wear them.

do i get them, and put them on the credit card to delay payments for a bit, so my friends and family actually get christmas this year? do we think $75 is good for 2 pairs of boots?

and any tips on keeping the stay-at-home wife spending guilt under control? (without actually NOT spending, thank you very much ;))

add this to my christmas list, black bart be damned

i hate sporting goods stores.

dick's, academy sports, etc...i hate them all. i have no use for them. i'm a heels and fun jewelry girl, NOT an underarmour, special running shoes kind of girl.

i just feel so...out of place in these places. usually i only go to get presents for my soccer-loving sis, or my hunting-loving cousin.

and now, the hubs is on a crazy paintball kick...so we go. a lot more than i'd like. and usually i grumble.

but imagine my glee seeing this yesterday!


omg. can i have it?? even with no use for it??

cuz i LOVE "a christmas story". LOVE.

any idea what a girl like me needs with a red ryder carbine action 200 range model air rifle???

i am my father's child

my dad is one of those kinds of guys that you KNOW didn't know what to do with daughters at first. and he has 2. when we were kids, we got all sorts of traditional "boy" presents, like huge styrofoam airplanes, and silly string, and one of those remote controlled race car tracks.

and we totally loved them. even thought now i know part of the reason he bought them was so HE could play.

anyhoo, daddy-o has worked some kind of construction/maintenance/contracting job since i was a babe. soooo...i know my way around a hardware store. i dig tools.

i have also, on more than several occasions, reminded the hubs how lucky he is that his wife will suggest a trip to lowe's or home depot if we have nothing to do...cuz i like looking.

except not at the lame, practical stuff like wires and electrical boxes and switches and crap. BOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNGGGGG.

if you're a tool-lover, or have one in your life....the holidays are PRIMO for finding sweet things that serve a purpose, but are also awesome.

i'm such a fan of multi-tasking, so the multi-tool is right up my alley. i actually bought the hubs a leatherman, which is apparently like the bomb-diggity multi-tool a few years ago, when he was just the boyfriend.

like check this bad boy out. it's got 17 things on it!!! 17!! i don't have that many different pieces of functional items in my purse!

and it's $15 at lowe's. so that's less than a dollar a doo-dad. plus, that's totally a bottle opener on the left. SCORE.

true story...this one looks way more fierce than the blue one, right? it's cuz this is the outdoors multi-tool. the bear grils of the multi-tool world. you know....rugged and outdoorsy, BUT has a crew of cameramen making sure he doesn't die while eating bear poo or whatever the eff he does out in the woods.

i don't do woods...so i don't know. but if you love some camping...OR you want your hubs to up his chances of survival when he gets banished to the yard for being a dumbass....this is your best bet on the stocking stuffer front. it's also $15...a small price to pay for your own life against the wilderness, right???

also...has a bottle opener. so if the bears are circling....pop a cold one and enjoy your last moments of NOT being mauled.

ahhh, my orange beauty. the one i flat-out told the hubs he could totally put in my stocking. cuz it's awesome. it's the home decor multi-tool.

this ish has a level, and a pencil, and a pencil sharpener, and a hole starter!!! so basically, this and a hammer (and nails of course) are all you need for a little picture hanging in your casa.

and seeing as how i'm kinda picture-hanging-challenged...i want this. i NEED this. it's all together!! in one thing!!

i'm a little miffed the home decor doesn't have a bottle opener....but they probably figure any self-respecting woman who wants one of these already has a bottle opener. and a corkscrew. cuz we have our priorities in order....booze, THEN decor.

hope this gave you some ideas for the handy men and women in your life! any other tool-loving ladies like me??

i'm sending nuttin' for christmas

unless i get my freaking act together already!!

2 years ago, the then-fiance and i (let's get real, i did ALL the work) sent out christmas cards with our super-fab engagement pictures on them.

then last year, the holidays came rolling on me like a big old train, and since we got back from our honeymoon 4 days before halloween...i was in a total daze. and it was thanksgiving before i knew it. and i totally skipped out on christmas cards, trying to get thank you's done.

so this year...it's back on the wagon peeps!!

and since i've had decent luck with shutterfly in the past (holla to my free photobook a few years back!), i figured i'd check out the offerings.

plus, they're totally hooking up bloggers who blog about them. and i ain't above a little shameless promotion =)

you can see all the holiday cards here, but you KNOW i've got my faves.

bright colors? swirly font? doesn't look like everyone else's card?? YES. PLEASE.

i love all the photo options on this one....except i realized after our wedding...the hubs and i have approximately 4 photos together. tragic.

one good photo?? one i can come up with...and for some reason, i'm totally digging the black christmas cards!! it's like a white christmas....but opposite.
and i am obsessed with this one. it's traditional....but funky too, with the fancy holey font. BUT it's a folded card...so i'd have to write something in them all. and that's a lot of work.

and clearly, i am wicked lazy. i'm basically trying to get YOU to pick my christmas card.

heck, i'm still trying to decide just HOW big of a faux pas putting a wedding picture on our christmas cards this year would be. probably pretty tacky....but it's that, or random pics of our faces and the dogs in the snow from our freak snowstorm earlier this year.

if you're REALLY on the ball, they've got thanksgiving cards too....but i'm not that on it.

and since i KNOW i'm not the only one interested in 50 free cards, check out the link HERE to sign up for yours!

my new jam

you know how sometimes you're just going along with your life, and then a friend plays a song for you?

and then that song is your new favorite thing, and you can't get it out of your head, and wanna play it 24/7?

yeah....i got me one of those. my girl brooke played this song for me last week when we were talking about our mutual love for car dancing....and let me tell you, it's the perfect soundtrack for little red-light rumba if you know what i mean.

i totally just made up "red light rumba" by the way.



hope this makes your monday a little more danceable!!

i know it's less than a week after halloween

BUT i am having a little christmas meltdown around these parts.

not because i have any intention of skipping over the much-beloved turkey day...i'm pretty freaking pumped i actually get to spend ALL of thanksgiving with my family. and my husband. not getting up and going to work, rushing through shows, and getting the heck out of dodge to make it to lunch at 2:30. <~~ this is why tv news SUCKS. BAD.

no, it's not just about my giddiness over seeing decorations out or hearing the hubs plot his griswold-esque plan of attack on our yard and home. (even though he is a straight-up christmas HEATHEN, because when i mentioned said imminent griswolding he goes "griswolding? what are you talking about?" honestly...some days i question how i married a man who's NEVER SEEN christmas vacation)

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT CHRISTMAS MUSIC I COULD PEE MY PANTS.

that's right, i said it. i'm a junkie. and like any good addict...i need my yearly fix. at LEAST one new christmas album every year. i figured i'd be set this year with the target EP release from lady antebellum. but NOOOOOO....the music industry got out the big guns. what's that you say?? ANOTHER mariah carey christmas album?? another version of my favorite "cheer me up christmas style and belt in my car alone" song, known as "all i want for christmas is you"??

say it ain't so universe!! plus, the obnoxiousness of the cover alone would make me want it. it's like a drag queen noel around these parts. don't you just wanna hang out with that dead-eyed plastic snowman on whatever crazy rooftop this party is on? i know i do.

but then, i go to check amazon and see the reviews for miss carey/mrs. cannon's new tunes...and what do i see when i go browsing around the "you may also like" link....

.....

wait for it....

SHUT. YOUR. FACE.

i literally had to stop myself from jumping up and down and squealing.

IT'S GLEE AND CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! it's like mark salling himself dressed as santa, and came down my non-functioning chimney for a little holiday crooning. and ONLY CROONING HUSBAND OF MINE. only crooning.
(totally NOT only crooning. salling's on my list)

so yes....i am all aflutter at the thought of getting this album on the 16th...and will probably break my "no music before thanksgiving" rule....cuz i can.

any other junkies?

you haven't lived until you've pulled out a nub

do you have one of those friends that every random thing that could possibly happen, happens to? like...she doesn't trip over a crack in the sidewalk, she almost falls down the stairs because her foot gets caught in the bottom of her pajama pants. or instead of getting a flat tire....a bolt shoots through her radiatir and blows a giant hole in it.

THAT FRIEND IS ME.

no lie...if you hear something and think "no way that actually happens to real people"....it will probably eventually happen to me. i don't know why...but it is what it is.

and on friday, the universe gave me a shining example of how awesome i am, and how random things happen ONLY to me.

i'll set the scene...mom and i are going to get lunch, then go to a craft show in town. we get to the restaurant, ready to fill our bellies, and i turn the car off.

then i pull the key out of the ignition.

and this is all that comes out.
that my friends, IS THE NUB OF A KEY. the rest of that particular piece of metal was still in my ignition.

let that soak in....IN THE IGNITION. now, you might know someone who's had a key break in a door...i know i do. but breaking off in the ignition? nope...that's a strictly hayley brand of awesomeness.

i had NO idea what to do...so we went to eat and brainstorm. these nice men in the restaurant offered to try and help us...but they could only get the dash popped off, not get the nub out.

luckily, daddy called this guy he works with a lot for locks and keys and stuff, and this old guy lets us borrow this teeeeeeensy little piece of metal, like a drill bit but miniscule.

i totally thought it was gonna be total crap....but it worked!! it totally worked!! dad put the piece of metal next to the key, pulled it out and out popped the nub!!

luckily i had a spare key....after the hubs made me carry one in my wallet when i locked my keys in my car twice in 3 weeks earlier this year.

like i said...i am a lot of awesome.

in the spirit(s) of the season

happy friday ya'll!!!

so, the hubs and i have no big plans for halloween....tomorrow is our close friend's birthday, and since he wants to grill out and hang at home...we're doing that. instead of heading out n the town for a night of costumed craziness.

also, my town has decided that kids are trick-or-treating tomorrow night instead of sunday. so we won't even be home to hand out candy. maybe when i'm a parent i'll understand this...but from my end, it seems crazy. usually, trick-or-treating is over by 9 anyways, right?? so it's not like your little ones are losing that much sleep. plus, there will be less adult-aged crazies out on sunday.

ANYHOO....i figured in honor of halloween....i'd take a little trip down jack-o-lantern memory lane.

aww, the first pumpkins we ever carved together, circa 2007! this was outside our townhouse we rented...and the year i learned i have a freakish talent for scooping the guts out of pumpkins. seriously...i rule.

mine's on the right, nate is on the left.

the first pumpkins at our house, in 2008. note how mine, on the left, has eyelashes and everything. she's girly and pretty =)

sadly, we had to skip last year, since we got back from our honeymoon 4 days before halloween...so we were just trying to get back into the groove.

and here they are this year!! we carved sunday...then it stormed monday and rained tuesday too...so they sat inside for a few days and kinda...wilted.

like see how their teeth look curved in like little old people??

do you carve pumpkins? also...did you know you can use a rotary tool like a dremel and knock out that carving super fast?? the hubs teaches me something semi-useful every day...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

someone has had TOO many cocktail times

if you love some food network like i do....chances are, you have "enjoyed", also known as "watched in horror and mocked" the lovely kitchen wizard known as sandra lee.

she makes "truffles" out of cake frosting...and every show ends with cocktail time, and a tablescape that will literally set your retinas on fire. or make you question your sanity. or usually both.

well, today was her annual halloween episode...and let me tell you, aunt sandy did NOT disappoint.

first off...she's at the renaissance fair. which, to be clear, is NOT about halloween....but just dressing up all the time. as a knight or a wench or something crazy. she starts as maid marion, of robin hood fame....sure, i can get on board with that. you're in the woods sandra, no big....

but then, came the engine of the crazy train, bound for sandra town...


OMG WHAT IS ON HER HEAD?!

does it not look like her hair is trying to consume her skull?? or escape its evil clutches and run away??

true story...she claims this costume is "queen of the fairies". sure sandy....if that's what the voices tell you.

also, LOVE the toilet paper in the background...apparently those sherwood forest parties get CRAAAAZY late night....who needs actual decorations when you can just TP a tree?

if you're wondering what delicious, or psychotic creation she's working on...it's cheesecake slices. drizzled with white chocolate. and then COVERED IN EDIBLE GLITTER OR PEARLS OR SILVER BALLS. cuz that's how the fairies roll you know.

oh yeah, and instead of being on a stick....the cheesecakes had a stick with a giant white feather attached. literally, this woman has issues.

and in case you want a "queen of the fairies" cocktail for a little sandra channeling of your own...here ya go.

• 2 shots half-and-half
• 2 shots vanilla vodka
• 2 shots white chocolate liqueur
• 1/2 shot hazelnut liqueur

garnish with a side of STRAIGHT UP LOONEY TUNES.

if ypu have to ask if you've got too many...do you?

once again....it's all about the clothes lust. the fact that apparently, i can NEVER be happy with the temperature, and all i want is a little cooler/warmer/dryer/wetter, depending on what's going on my closet that i wanna rock.

and let me tell you right now, old navy is pulling out the big guns for all my keeping warm needs.

and i'll be the first to admit...i'm a coat addict. especially peacoats. i love them ALL. except black ones....cuz i feel like coats the way i do about umbrellas....if you've gotta use one, might as well make it awesome and bright and pretty, right?!

technically....i already have a pink coat. i got a lightweight pink peacoat last year at target....BUT this one is long. and so pretttttyyyyyyy
and of course, i NEED a green one. NEED. ignore the fact i have grey, cream, red, blue and pink already....i'm a redhead dangit!!! i MUST have a green one in my life. plus, how freaking cute will this be with skinnies and brown boots?! i can't even take the awesome.
yellow. for. winter.

do i even need to explain why i need this?? THE RUFFLES PEOPLE. THE RUFFLES.
AAAAAAAND since i feel like most of my coats are kinda dressier....i need a casual one.

maybe NEED is a little exaggeration, BUT look at the toggles!!! they're like button's lazy cousins. i adore them. plus it has a hood for when it rains, or when my ears are trying to freeze off. and the hood comes off.

gah, damn you old navy and your mostly less than $75 coats. and the fact that you mailed me a 30% off coupon for this weekend.

and damn you mason dixon line, for keeping it warmer down here longer.

and damn you mother nature for also keeping it less crisp...i need some snap in my weather!!!

does it count as buying a new coat (or 2) if i donate some i have and don't wear to a charity? can i convince the hubs of the value of good karma, in dollar amounts??

wish i had swagger like this

i feel like i need to apologize ahead of time for this one...

not because it's not outstanding, because it SO IS, but because should you watch the video below....this song will be in your head FOR DAYS.

don't say i didn't warn you....and behold the awesomeness of the youngest smith sibling.



willow girl, you are FLY. i love your song. i love that you, at nine years old, have a total sense of who you are and how you wanna dress and be.

plus, you're just whipping your hair...not acting a fool and being slutty, which i appreciate. kickin' high-tops and crazy hair i can get on board with....forgetting your underpants i cannot (i'm looking at you britney and lindsay).

plus, i kinda love your dad. he was totally awesome on the fresh prince, where HELLO he met your mama! i spent a good part of the late 90's gettin' jiggy with it...and i love watching him beat up that alien in the desert every time i watch independence day.

your brothers seem pretty cool....they're real cute too. but you girl....you bring it.

so keep it up, cuz i am loving these beats. and the paint flinging hair thing...that's pretty sweet too.

also, we BOTH know you screw up and act a little too whorey....jada will NOT be pleased. and we know she's the regulator in the smith house.

love,

wants to whip her hair. but afraid she might throw her neck out.

who's the david letterman of india?

alright kids, i'm back to the "grind"...or the "sitting at home with the dogs trying not to spend all our money".....

anyhoo, everyone knows the BEST way to recap a madcap wedding weekend is with a top ten list.

a little list i like to call....WHY EVERYONE NEEDS AN INDIAN BFF.

10. indian weddings aren't one night. they're like a week of events. so if you're in said wedding....you get to party for DAYS.

9. the mehndi is pretty freaking sweet. even if it means keeping your hands still for an extended amount of time.

8. the food. sweet lord, the food. more delicious appetizers and spicy sauces and naan until you die....AMAZING.

7. also....open bar = amazing. wine hangovers suck....but whiskey ones make me feel like a hug from unicorn or something

6. maybe it's just my friend's family....but we learned indian families are SO welcoming!! we made friends, we chatted, we bonded...it was great.

5. wearing a bindi and NOT looking vintage gwen stefani.

4. the music is totally different from what i'm used to...and totally awesome.

3. the more bangles and sparkles, the better. UP MY ALLEY YO.

2. THE CLOTHES ARE AMAZING. for realz....saris kick bridesmaid dresses in the face. it's like the fanciest, most comfortable pj's on earth.

1. if you can talk your indian friend into getting married the weekend of your first anniversary, it's like a party for you too!!!!

basically, my friend and i are trying to figure out how to scam our way into another indian wedding, because we love them.

anyone else been to/been in a different kind of wedding?

*disclaimer for any douches who might flame me for this total generalization of a post....yes, i KNOW there are traditions behind all these parties, and serious religious tenants at the ceremonies...and that stuff was awesome too. but that's kind of the backbone of ANY wedding...i wanted to highlight the extra awesome. so shut it.