Monday, February 14, 2011

an open love letter to the grammys

dear grammys,

thanks for making my sunday night entertaining. i spent a solid 90 minutes texting a friend back and forth about ridiculous things that happened. so that was awesome. also, you brought me the greatest thing i have ever witnessed on tv ever...so i appreciate that. and i'll get to that in a minute. i had a few problems with you, but, like any good valentine...for the most part, you brought the love. or at least made up for your shortcomings with bright colors. so, 'preciate ya.

love,
your lots of music loving girl, hales.

p.s. mind if i include a few other peeps in this love letter? cool, thanks.

dear msn,
thanks for all these pics. 'preciate you too.
love,
too lazy to source everything separately.

dear smith family,

adopt me please. cuz jada...you rule. and will, you know i will forever love the summer jam that is "gettin' jiggy with it". and willow...oh how i love your quirky self...i've been practicing whipping my hair, just in case we become sisters. cuz you NEED one with 2 brothers. trust, i've got this on lock.

love,
the future mrs. hayley smith, esquire.

dear ricky martin,
i mean this in the nicest, least offensive way possible.
those pants COULD NOT be any gayer.

love,
just sayin'.

dear john mayer,
NEWSFLASH!!!
you're not johnny depp. let the dream die.
love,
please don't try and molest me.

dear justin bieber,
YOU. GOT. ROBBED. and ignore my husband, you are TOTALLY not a douche. he doesn't know what he's talking about. we can hang out when will and jada adopt me.

love,
an almost 28-year-old girl with a grade-a case of bieber fever.

dear gaga,
i don't even know. are there words for putting yourself in an egg with an oxygen tank and being carried down the red carpet?? i did hear ryan seacrest has to talk to the egg...so that's pretty awesome. and you gave love to whitney houston, so that was cool too. i figure you probably meant pre-coke binge whitney...she's my favorite one too.

love,
a girl who wishes she was even a little bit this ballsy.

and finally, dear cee-lo,
you sir. you stole my heart. not only have you brought me much joy in my car, driving around jamming out to "the song otherwise known as forget you" (which, by the way, is the most awesome grammy distinction EVER...your song is like the prince of the grammys).

so not only is your song awesome...you let gwyneth sing it on glee. and THAT was awesome.

but you know what's even MORE awesome than all of those things combined, PLUS some chocolate and roses thrown in?

THIS.


this is arguably the greatest thing i have ever seen on the grammys, or any award show, EVER. cuz...you're kinda dressed like if elton john and elmo had a giant black baby. and I. LOVE. IT. i love every single feather and rhinestone on your potty-mouthed self.

i love the puppets.

i LOVE gwyneth. i love her catsuit, and her hot pink feather earrings, and the way that in my head, you 2 are bffs and just call each other to say hey, and your version of the song is the ringtone when you call her...and her version is the ringtone when she calls you.

so please, keep doing what you do. i'll be here...watching this video on repeat. ALL. DAY.

love,
me.

p.p.s

dear l'il wayne,
thanks for showing prison didn't change you. blue cardigan, shades, bling-tastic watch AND a cigar on the red carpet? this is why we're tight weezy...this is why we're tight.
love,
your redheaded boo.

8 comments:

Classy Fab Sarah said...

I have been watching that video OVER AND OVER all day too. It's so amazing. Best part of the grammys for SURE!

mrs.mfc said...

Oh my goodness your grammy review had me laughing so loud!!!! I love it :)

carrie1 said...

ha ha ha..... i totally said the same thing about John Mayer.. I looked at Chris and was like is that John Mayer.... has anyone told him the Johnny Depp look isn't a good look on him.

And I totally agree about the Biebster.... he was robbed!

JHill said...

Ditto to it all with two additions:

I want Norah Jones's haircut. Stat.

Why is nobody talking about the fact that Gaga's song sounds just like Madonna's "Express Yourself?" Why?

Kathryn said...

Hahaha! You nailed John Mayer, he looks like such a creeper!! And I loved Cee-Lo!

Salt said...

I didn't watch the Grammys (sacrilege I know), but as I was reading this I was all "Holy ish, Johnny Depp got fat". For SHAME, John Mayer. For SHAME.

hotpants™ said...

Lil Wayne looked scary and dapper all at the same time. Love him.

Mrs. Smith said...

I just LOVE Willow Smith. There's this youtube video of her interview with Ryan Seacrest and Jay-Z gets on the phone. It is insane. I want to BE her. And she's nine. ha!