Thursday, August 12, 2010

it's been one of those weeks


this is how i've been feeling lately....uninspired.

nothing to write, nothing to talk about, not much happening in my life. it's tough sitting at home, and it's tough not having any direction....not knowing what's next, what i want to be next....i've never felt quite this lost.

when i was working, i was a kickass tv producer. i felt comfortable doing my job, i excelled at it, and i KNEW i was one of the best.

but jobs like that will ruin your soul if your heart isn't in it...and my heart hadn't been in it for several years. and staying would have meant legal paperwork, forcing me to stay.

so i left. and i don't regret it...but i am struggling with the change. i'm used to excelling at what i do...and i feel like i'm a mediocre stay-at-home wife. our house isn't spotless, projects aren't done...and i feel like i'm just being lame.

anyone else every left a less-than-stellar job without a plan B? how'd you deal?

the only constant in my life is my daily date with jillian michaels, and even that feels uninspiring. like i'm not pushing myself as hard as i can....because i can just push tomorrow. or the next day.

i know part of this whole melancholy is because it's that time of the month...but it's also just feeling very out of sorts. very un-hayley. my WHOLE life i've had a plan....and now i don't. and it scares the crap out of me...like what if i don't HAVE a passion to pursue? what if i just like a lot of things...and none of them will lead me to a new career path?

perhaps friday will bring more sunshine...but maybe less heat, huh? it's been SWELTERING.

6 comments:

Erin @ Sassin' Southern Style said...

Honey, yes. I know how you feel. When I left my job in December for school, I was looking for a new one, but I certainly wasn't earning A's in school, our house wasn't spotless and I sure as heck wasn't volunteering my time. I had to make a list the night before of 2 things I was going to do that day and I HAD to do them the next day. Maybe try that???

Good luck, Haybales. I know it will work out. I promise. =)

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Miss Madison's Mommy said...

I quit work to stay home. I hate it. It's BORING and I feel no pride in watching the baby or cleaning the house. So I went back to school and it's better, but I'm def. not meant to be a stay at home mom :)

Salt said...

Both times I decided to move across the country, I left jobs with absolutely no idea where I would work when I got to the other side. At first it felt really liberating, but after awhile of looking, it got kind of scary.

You DO have a passion to pursue. Sometimes it just takes a little bit to figure out what exactly that is!

a.p. said...

get feeling better hayley! i know how you feel and its tough being in a rut. you aren't moving forward or backward, you're just... just. its hard, but you will get through it! hang in there. :) find a hobby that will push you. make a new friend that will keep you company. read new books, cook new recipies. take this time to do a little soul searching and self-discovery. :)
x's and o's go out to you.

Bekkah said...

I know how you feel. Leaving a job is never easy... even if you hate it. I was a terrible stay-at-home-wife after I left my job, but it took that time stuck at home to light a fire under my butt and get me to really think about what I wanted to do. It made me realize I had been hiding behind the comfort of my prior routine rather than reaching for something better.

Try not to stress out too much about "what's next" and use this time to figure out what really makes you happy. If you do that, you'll soon figure out where you want to take your next step.